I don’t really know how to explain this film in a proper review-type-fashion? So I'm going to bullet point words which express my views:

ridiculous
sexy
amazing
unbelievable
hilarious
mexican
explosive

Basically, Machete is amazing. It’s ridiculous in a BRILLIANT way, and absolutely hilarious. You get to see Jessica Alba naked, Danny Trejo use a living mans intestines to swing out of one window and smash through a window on the floor below, Lindsay Lohan have a threesome with Trejo and her on-screen mother, and also, Michelle Rodriguez is so sexy in it, I almost wanted to dump my boyfriend and start a worldwide hunt to make her my girlfriend.
It’s so strange, that when you go and see it, you’ll understand my inability to write a proper review for it, but I will go as far to say that it is the best movie I have seen in a long time.
Well done Rodriquez.

10/10 Thats right. TEN OUT OF TEN.